


A Couple of Regular Guys

by LoonyFish



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Minor Character Death, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, WW2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-15 22:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11815557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyFish/pseuds/LoonyFish
Summary: They meet in basics, training up to be soldiers to fight against the enemy in the second World War of the century. It's a story of losing and finding, of being gay in WW2 and the price men had to pay.





	A Couple of Regular Guys

**Author's Note:**

> _But then,_   
>  _'Neath starlight silver beams,_   
>  _When you should fill my dreams,_   
>  _I'm up remembr'ing you_

Arthur sees him on the other side of the barracks and something in his chest twists. The man is tall, perhaps just taller than him although he’d have to stand closer to him to tell. His hair was dark, messy, too long surely to be army regulation and, yes, the sergeant was berating him for something but Arthur didn't think it was the man’s hair that was the problem. 

Training proved to them all that this man was a hopeless soldier. He failed at every drill. He dropped his rifle, couldn’t march in step, often crashed into soldiers around him. The other guys in the squad hated him because they all knew they were one more fuck-up away from being on latrine duty and it was all this guy’s fault.

The man’s name was Merlin. Arthur found that out a week after he enrolled into basics and had been assigned to their squad. Charlie squad was clean and precise, pruned to army precision until Merlin came along.

Merlin quickly got the nickname ‘Lackluster’ no matter how hard Arthur fought against it. He wasn’t even quite sure why he fought against it because the name should fit Merlin like a broken in pair of army boots but there was something in his young face that Arthur just wanted to protect.

The thing with army training was that it was intense. Your squad had to become immediately like family. You did everything together and being shy just wasn’t an option. Merlin was shy. He showered in under a minute, barely dampening his skin for fear of exposing himself to the others who were all brawn and bluster whilst Merlin was a lanky rat in comparison. Arthur found he couldn’t stop looking at him.

They were due for a barracks inspection any hour. The rest of the squad had been busy tidying their uniforms, polishing boots and making their beds to military standard perfection, but Merlin had stayed on the outside, scribbling in a book he never seemed to put down. It was that night that Arthur felt it again. That twinge inside his chest and for some reason, some stupid reason, he decided it would be a good idea to help Merlin, to show him how to shine his boots. He sat behind Merlin, their thighs almost touching if only Merlin would _relax_ and lean into him but he was wound up tighter than a yo-yo. 

Arthur decided he needed to find Merlin a new nickname. ‘Lackluster’ had stuck with the others but Merlin hated it. They were alone in the barracks one evening, just after dinner in the mess tent, and Arthur broached the subject. Arthur suggested a whole range of nicknames for Merlin but only one felt right - Merlin would be ‘Sweetheart’ because that’s who he was to Arthur, and because his youthful face made him look almost like the fiancé Arthur had left behind. But suddenly Merlin was throwing nicknames back, insulting Arthur with stupid made-up names like ‘dollophead’ and ‘cabbagehead’ and perhaps Merlin just had a thing about heads. Arthur decided Merlin should call him ‘Hollywood’, because he was the hollywood star the world was looking for. Merlin had rolled his eyes but hadn’t called him out on it and Arthur declared that a mini victory.

 

~*~

 

Charlie squad passed basic training with flying colours and were soon on a train heading west, taking them to the boats that would ship them to the war in the Pacific. 

Other guys in the squad were swooning over the latest pinup girl pictures that had been sent round the teams. They sung rhymes and ditty’s about the ‘love’ they had for darling Betty, the pinup girl of the American army, who seemed to be on every soldier’s mind when he only had his own hand for company. 

Arthur joined in. He’d had his share of girls back home, had Gwen waiting for him. Betty, and the others, what nothing like any of the girls he had, but he’d admit they were beautiful even if they no longer seemed to do anything for him.

Merlin kept sending him strange small smiles and looks he couldn’t interpret. Until the guys even managed to pull him into the game as he picked out his favourite picture and sang his own awkward lullaby to her. 

It was two to a bunk to save on space. Merlin and Arthur weren’t meant to be sharing. But then Betty had gotten in the way and Gwaine and Lance were having some alone time with their right hands on the top bunks before crashing out. 

Merlin sat as far to the end of the bunk as he possibly could, still scribbling away in that brown leather notebook he seemed to take everywhere. 

“You’re a strange one, kid,” Arthur said quietly, “You never get involved properly.”

“Was singing to Betty not enough for you, Hollywood?”

Arthur laughed a little, “Your heart wasn’t in that.”

“You're not wrong.” Merlin closed the journal, stuffing his hands under his legs and shuffled a little towards Arthur. “I'm not-“ he looked around, as if someone else would be watching, “I don’t think I’m like other guys.” 

The breath caught in Arthur’s lungs. There was something about the change in Merlin’s posture; a shift from awkward and shy to something more self-aware. 

“I don’t feel those things for Betty like they do. Or for any girl for that matter.” Merlin paused, a silent battle raging behind his eyes and for a second Arthur thought he had lost him, “I feel those things for someone else. I think, I think I might love you, Arthur.” 

The silence that followed was only broken by the clacking of the train wheels as they hastened through the central states. 

“Huh,” Arthur replied only a moment later although for some reason it felt like it had already been a lifetime, “That’s funny, kid, because, you know, I think I feel the same about you.”

He watched and Merlin was sort of shaking, eyes wide open, but a look of pure joy was settling on his features as if all his christmases had come at once. 

“May I kiss you, Arthur?”

Arthur skirted forward, his hands already reaching for Merlin’s shirt, humming his consent before tentatively pressing in. He thought it would be like kissing Gwen, or the other girls. But their lips touched and it was more like fire igniting through his veins and he was suddenly starving for a feeling he didn’t even know you could need so desperately. Merlin was young and inexperienced and it showed in the way he kissed, but the tugging at Arthur’s shirt told him he Merlin knew what he wanted. 

_Shit._

The kiss broke off far faster than it had started, Arthur bolting back to the end of the bed, his heart racing and his mind unable to stop. 

“Shit fuck, Merlin, what the fuck was that?! Look, ha, I’ll keep your secret ok, nancy boy? But that’s it. It’s not happening again.” It felt like he was tearing his own world apart, but it was had to be done because this wasn’t right, it just wasn’t. War wasn’t going to change anything and the sergeant had already warned them against ‘acts of gross indecency’ and he was a good soldier. He wasn’t jeopardising that for some kid. 

They didn’t speak to each other for 2 days. It was awkward but it was ok because this was how it was meant to be. At least, that’s what Arthur told himself. 

On the third day, the sergeant gathered Charlie squad and told them that Merlin had requested a transfer and had found himself a place writing for a military magazine and would be leaving with immediate effect. Merlin was marched away and Arthur realised he might never see him again.

 

~*~

 

The war in the Pacific had been raging for almost 6 months when Arthur and what remained of Charlie Squad arrived on their island. The military hadn’t even bothered telling them where they had landed and Arthur felt like he had been abandoned by everyone. 

Fighting was harsh. The Japanese were vicious soldiers who seemed to have no fear and no qualms about dying. The death and disease didn’t sit right with the beauty of the place. Arthur’s thoughts flickered almost daily to the time Merlin had told him his fears of dying on the front, which wouldn’t happen in his new role so far from Arthur. 

The squad kept their spirits high in the down time. They were occasionally allowed to the beaches and into the sea, when successful sea battles had taken out the Japanese warships so the oceans were suddenly safe spaces once more. Arthur found himself thinking about Merlin telling him he couldn’t swim properly, otherwise he’d have liked to have gone in the navy. 

When they weren’t at the front, they continued their drills. It was hard when their uniforms were now in tatters, with shrapnel ripping only the fabric apart and missing their skin by inches. It was the mud that was the worst. You couldn’t get it out or off of anything. Not even boots could be shined the way he had shown Merlin that night back in basics. 

After 2 months of war on the island, there was one big push to finally recapture it from the enemy. Charlie squad had proven themselves time after time and now the brass wanted them to lead the assault. It was nasty. They weren’t really meant to survive. They were canon fodder, dying so that the generals could walk through with ease and lift the flag themselves. 

Soldiers around them were dying like animals. Babes to the slaughter. Arthur’s thoughts got lost and confused, suddenly trying to find Merlin’s face around him and he didn’t hear the shout. His head hit the ground hard, another body flinging him out of the way as the gun shot, clear and crisp despite the incessant noise around them, rang through his ears. 

Arthur was safe because Elyan was not. The world around them fell silent as Arthur sat on the ground and cradled his friend’s dying body in his arms. Arthur had never felt such emptiness. 

They captured the island and were granted 2 weeks R&R. The R&R wasn’t really R&R when you had to stay on an island full of ghosts and haunted thoughts but the army counted it because they weren’t fighting anymore so it had to be restful and relaxing, right? 

 

~*~

 

There was a week of R&R that Arthur couldn’t recall if you asked him to. One of the blokes in the 85th had figured out how to home brew alcohol and Arthur didn’t even care if it was practically poison because it made him feel somehow human again. If only for a while. 

And then he appeared. As if an angel had been sent down from heaven and all Arthur’s wishes and dreams had been granted. Arthur thought it was a dream because there was no way he could be here. 

“They sent me to do a piece on your capture of the island,” he said quietly, “Well, they didn’t send me: I asked. They said it was genius and I was on the first military transport over here. The morale boost this story will bring is unimaginable.”

Arthur didn't say anything. The drink was playing cruel tricks on his mind or the heat was making him hallucinate or both.

Merlin had to fill his day doing reports on each member of Charlie squad, listening to them recount what happened that fateful day though they all admitted to him in private that they hadn’t seen what happened properly and Arthur hadn’t told them. Arthur would only find that out later, when the article was published and he found it in a junk shop when the war ended. 

The beach was the only place that made him feel at peace. The waves were soothing, a monotonous rhythm that wasn’t, for once, constant gunfire. Dusk was falling when he heard footsteps traipsing through the undergrowth.

“They said I’d find you here,” he said, standing a few feet behind Arthur, hands shoved in his pockets like always. “Arthur?” And Merlin reached out, placing a hand on Arthur’s shoulder and Arthur felt himself crumble, leaning into the touch.

He wasn’t dreaming. Merlin was here. 

“Why are you here?” He spat, not trusting himself to ask all the questions he longed to ask. 

“I, I heard about Elyan.”

“Huh, and you thought you’d come see what you could do about it? After you left the team. After you left us to fight on the front lines whilst you had your pansy little desk job.”

Merlin went to speak but Arthur interrupted, emotions suddenly spilling from him as if the sea had turned into a tsunami.

“And you know what, Merlin? You know what really fucking makes no sense? Is that I’m glad you did it. Glad you left. Because as I held Elyan in my arms, the only thing I could think of was thank god it wasn’t you. I had a friend _dying_ in my arms and all I could think of was you. All I could ever think of is you. Can ever think of.” 

He rubbed his hands over his face and started pacing, wearing a path in the sand beneath him. 

“I fucked up, Merlin, do you see that? I fucked up on the train that night when I pushed you away. And then you left?”

“I left because I thought that’s what you wanted? What you thought was best!”

“Yeah well I didn’t know shit. I was scared and confused. Because this isn’t right, this isn’t! But at the same time I look at you and I know that if you’re here with me then it’s like there isn’t a war. And the war is worth fighting because at the end of it I can have…” He took a deep breath and stopped pacing. Turning to look at Merlin, who was stood frozen in the moonlight, he said, “You don’t often get two chances. You never get two chances. And I have. And I’m not - this time - I - _fuck._ ” 

Arthur lunged forward, planting his lips on Merlin’s and pulling him towards him. And Merlin melted into him like this was what he had been waiting for. 

They broke apart a few moments later, sharing each other’s breath.

“There’s a house, in my home town,” Arthur whispered, “I’ve put a payment down and everything. It’s nothing big, nothing fancy, but it’s perfect.”

“Perfect?”

“Perfect to share between two regular guys. You and me. In a house a few miles from the sea. Together.” 

“It’s not gonna be easy-“

“I know, Merlin, I know. But if you believe it, I believe it. We can have this, have us.”

 

~*~

 

Charlie squad and the company they had picked up along the way, for Merlin insisted that it was his duty as a journalist now to follow the squad whose victory had been like a beacon guiding the way for numerous allied victories across the world, were being transferred deeper into the war in the Pacific. They were packed in another military ship like cargo containers. 

Arthur and Merlin couldn’t spend much time together alone. People would start to notice. But there were brief touches and snatched moments that meant reminded them that what they had was real.

The sergeant's whistle blew loud and sharp, summoning them all to the deck in an immediate abandonment of the work they were doing. 

Merlin was arrested. Arthur watched as two greenies pulled him away, a bag over his head, as the sergeant held up Merlin’s notebook - that damn notebook that he never left anywhere in case it 'fell into the wrong hands' which by shit it had - and declared it contained detailed evidence of his acts of ‘gross indecency’ and how he would be punished in accordance with the law. 

The world fell out from under him. It was as if Merlin had disappeared into thin air. Some nights Arthur thought he could hear Merlin’s screams, echoing through the ship, but he couldn’t tell if it was all just in his head. All he knew was it _hurt._

 

~*~

 

They were kicked off the ship at another random island in the Pacific, another victory assured for Charlie squad and their crystal reputation. 

The ship sailed away, disappearing beyond the horizon, and Arthur’s heart felt like he’d reached the end of a book. The last page of that life was turned and Arthur washed away all hope that he would ever see Merlin again. They'd had their chance. Twice. 

 

~*~

 

Their victory on the new island came 3 weeks before Japanese surrender and the end of the war. As VJ Day was celebrated for the first time across the states, what remained of Charlie squad of the 89th were shipped to a military hospital in Hawaii. 

Arthur was lucky. He’d got a shrapnel wound to his right shoulder, which shouldn’t cause too much long term damage. He was wheeled around everywhere by a nurse, the fatigue of war too much to shake for the time being, but the doctors said those dark clouds would lift soon enough. 

His family came and visited him. He signed the things they made him sign, his thoughts what felt a million miles away, stuck on a ship somewhere in the Pacific. Burned into his eyelids was the image of the last time Merlin smiled at him.

The doctors said he would be in Hawaii for 2 months. He only had one week until his discharge when one of the nurses, the raven haired Morgana, declared he had a visitor, and wheeled him to the courtyard.

If Arthur hadn’t been looking, he might not have recognised the man he saw standing in front of him. The man stood tall and proud, the lankiness and hunched shoulders that once made him look so young was gone. He wore what looked to be second hand clothes, probably handed over to him by the army when he made it back to the states: a smart, navy blue shirt and a pair of grey cotton trousers that were just a little too short.

“The nurses here call you, cutie pie,” were the first words out of his mouth. Merlin was smiling a soft coy smile, that made Arthur’s heart constrict and made him start feeling again.

“I should hope so,” he laughed, “I’m the cutest GI in this hospital.” 

“Damn right,” Merlin paused, “How’re you doing, Arthur? How’s the arm?”

“They say it’ll heal. I just -" Arthur looked into Merlin’s eyes, _seeing_ once again, “I can’t feel my right hand.”

There must have been something in his face, a reflection of the deep rooted fear that had settled itself in his gut ever since he had arrived in the hospital, because Merlin leant forward and gripped his hand tight.

“I can feel it,” Merlin said, “And I’m not going to let you go again. Not ever, you hear me?” When Arthur didn’t reply, he continued, “There’s a house in your home town, you’ve already put the payment down. Perfect for…”

“Merlin stop.” Merlin’s words were worse than shrapnel wounds. It was as if a ticking time bomb had been placed deep inside him and it had now reached armageddon, exploding and ripping his insides to shreds. “We were fooling ourselves, kid. It was never gonna work.”

“Arthur, what are you-“ 

“We were fooling ourselves. It was never going to work. They’d have seen through us in a heartbeat. Our neighbours wouldn’t just look the other way. They’d have realised we’re not just two regular guys just sharing a house as mates. Look, Merlin, jesus, you’d been arrested I thought that was it. And then my family came and I couldn’t stop it so I just-“

“What are you trying to say, Arthur?”

“I’m married, Merlin. Gwen came over with my folks and they made us do it. I wanted to do it. I needed her, needed someone. I thought you were dead.” 

It was as if all the life drained out of Merlin in that instant, but he didn’t look surprised. 

“I was ready to fight for you, for us, Arthur. After all I went through I thought now we could have… God I don't even know what I thought we could have. What we had was special, who we are? Is not. But I see now it was never going to happen, not for us. I hope you're happy, Arthur.”

Merlin planted one final kiss on Arthur’s cheek and then walked away. He didn’t look back.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much a rewrite of show called Yank! the musical. I saw this show on Monday and it seriously touched my heart in a way nothing has for a long time so I needed to get something out of my system. The plot is very similar although a few things have been left out because they weren't part of the story I wanted to tell, and it's from the perspective of the other soldier. 
> 
> You can find the opening of the musical here (which is what I listened to as I wrote this): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3GJw1R00TY
> 
> I hope you enjoy the fic!


End file.
